Luke 5:1-11
Glory to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
We’ve just heard Christ call Saint Peter to come follow him, “I will teach you to fish for men.”
Of course, Peter already knows his houseguest, the wonderworker and teacher Jesus. A chapter earlier, we saw Jesus coming to live at Peter’s house, healing Peter’s mother in law. That’s why in today’s reading Peter already knows to call Jesus “Master.” And that is why, at the end of a long night of hard work, Peter agrees to let Jesus take his boat back out onto the water.
Fishermen work at night, so they can bring fresh fish to the day’s market. Now they’ve worked all night, the sun has come up, and they’re mending their nets before they go home for the day.
The Lord stands up in Peter’s boat and teaches the people for an hour or two, then tells Peter, “Put the nets back down and catch some fish.”
“Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing! But at your word I will lower the nets.” Peter doesn’t expect any results; he is not acting in faith that he’ll receive a miracle. But he is acting in faithfulness. He’s going to obey this command even though it doesn’t make sense, because the Master said it.
They caught so many fish their nets began to break. They filled both boats so full they began to sink. When Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Get away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”
Saint Peter sees the Holy One revealed, and says, “Get away from me! I am a sinner.”
We’ve all done that. It’s time for bed, and we know we should at least briefly give thanks to God and pray for our family. But today we have shouted at our family or coworkers. We’ve allowed the news or the internet to darken our soul with anger, envy, lust or fear. We’ve had too much to drink, or we’ve welcomed fantasies of impurity or revenge. The Psalm asks, “Who can ascend the mountain of the Lord? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart” (Psalm 23:3-4) and our hands and heart are not clean. We feel condemned and frustrated and unworthy, so we shy away from prayer.
That is a very natural response. Peter says, “Oh no! The Holy One is right here in my boat — but I am an impure, unclean man, and not fit to be with him. Get away from me, Lord, I’m a sinner!”
700 years earlier, the prophet Isaiah said the same thing.
I saw the Lord, high and lifted up, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him flew seraphim with six wings, calling to one another: Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Hosts! The whole earth is full of his glory. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am lost! For I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty” (Isaiah 6:1-5).
But even as Isaiah is standing condemned, there is already an altar in the presence of God, where purification and acceptable sacrifice are always offered up before the Lord.
Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth with it, and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips. Your iniquity is taken away and your sin is purified” (Isaiah 6:6-7).
The sacrifice that purifies sin is already prepared before you ever sinned.
“This is what love is: Not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the reconciliation for our sins… For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!” (1 John 4:10; Romans 5:10).
What does a child do when she falls and skins her knee? She runs home, crying, “Mama!” to bring her wound to the one who can make it better. She is not ashamed – even if she got hurt doing something she shouldn’t, she runs urgently to the one who can fix it.
What do you do when you find alarming symptoms in your body, or the baby’s temperature is too high? You call the doctor. The emergency room isn’t in the business of scolding you for having a lump, or a fever. You run to the one who can help.
But when we sin, we do the opposite. We confess that God is good, holy, and faithful to us, but we have betrayed him, we’ve been unfaithful to him, we’ve shown that we don’t love or fear him.
We’re like Adam in the garden, when the Lord comes walking in the cool of the day, calling for him: “Adam? Where are you?” And instead of running to the Lord to be made whole, they hide. They feel something is broken and wrong in them, so they cover themselves with fig leaves to hide their shame.
“Get away from me, Lord, I am a sinful man!”
Once I visited a church, and had confession. It was during the vigil, right in front of the iconostas, like in many churches, so the priest kept urging me to be quieter, to whisper so nobody would hear. It was his church, so of course I did what he said. But I kept thinking: If I was not ashamed to do and think and say these things right in front of the Lord and his Mother and all the saints – then why would I be ashamed to repent from them?
Saint John Chrysostom says: “Be ashamed when you sin. Do not be ashamed when you repent. Pay attention carefully. After sin comes shame; courage follows repentance. Did you pay attention to what I said? Satan upsets the order; he gives courage to sin and gives shame to repentance” (Homily 8, On Repentance and Almsgiving).
Peter and Isaiah and Adam had the same reaction to God’s holiness: They wanted out of his presence because their sins made them unclean.
If you’ve had confession with me, you have probably heard me say you need to pray with blood on your hands.
By that I mean, as soon as you have done violence to yourself or any other, instantly run to the Lord – with whiskey still on your breath, with poison still in your web browser, turn and call Jesus.
A wound does not get easier to treat if it’s left to fester.
We feel like we owe the Lord some misery, like it would be fake or hypocritical to ask for cleansing after willfully choosing to disobey.
But you didn’t disappoint the Lord. You can’t surprise Him. And he’s not interested in seeing you suffer, but he’s waiting for you to look up.
So don’t bring your sins to confession as a matter of apology. Bring them to confession the way you bring a list of symptoms to the doctor. The way you go to the mechanic and tell him all the noises your car has been making.
“God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble” (Proverbs 3:34; James 4:6). If your sins have humiliated you, good! Now you’re in the right place.
* * *
Here’s a fact that may not be obvious: Our goal is not to sin less.
A spiritual life that revolves around managing our sins and following rules to become good enough is deadly.
Peter saw his sins and wanted to run away – but we are called to see our sins and run to Christ for healing, and freedom. And then to walk with Christ. That means we fall down, get up, and return to the practicing the presence of God at school, and at work, and at home. In Proverbs we read, “a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again” (24:16) And in Japan they say, “Fall down seven times; get up eight.” (七転八起).
A friend of mine learned Tae Kwon Do in the military. He was disappointed to find out that his first lessons were not how to kick or punch – but how to fall. Anyone can get knocked down, but a fighter needs to know how not to be injured when he falls, and how to quickly get back on his feet and deal with his attacker.
I read in The Ladder of Divine Ascent, “Let us make an effort not only to wrestle with the demons but also to wage war on them. He who wrestles sometimes throws them, and sometimes he is thrown; but he who wages war is continuously hounding the enemy.” (Step 26).
Waging war! I don’t recall when this mindset started to make sense to me. I went a long time seeing myself in a defensive role – temptations and sins attack like a hurricane and it’s my job to board up the windows and somehow try to survive the storm.
But St John is talking about going on the offensive and taking the battle to the enemy. There comes a time when we look at our passions and way of living and we say: THAT. That particular negligence or lack of love, that self-indulgence, has just beat me up and taken my lunch for the last time.
I’m going on the attack. I’m going to go deeper into fasting and nighttime prayer and doing the work of patience, specifically to starve that sin that now grieves me too much to live with it any longer.
The Lord taught, “The Kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force” (Matthew 11:12). Another translation says, “The kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing.”
In that battle, temptation is not like a distracting fragrance or melody that calls for our attention. Temptation is a bullet that we dodge because it will kill our ability to look the Lord in the eye and say “I am Yours.”
You dodge that bullet, not by holding on and saying “Not gonna say that! Not gonna do that!” But by turning as soon as that thought arises, and running to the Lord, like Peter at the end of the Gospels: “Lord, you know I love you.” Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.
If your prayers in the morning or during the day include the Jesus Prayer, and you’re putting it in your mouth every day, then it’s going to start coming out your lips when it needs to. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.
You know, we don’t fear the Lord as if we’re terrified of an abuser. What we fear is the very real danger that the things we love will build us a life apart from him, alone in outer darkness, by our own choices right now.
The Fathers write that anger was given us for a good reason: So that when thoughts come to distract us, we won’t flirt, or debate, or white-knuckle resist them; instead with anger and disgust we say “Not only no, but Hell No,” and we kick that thought to the curb and keep driving: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.”
Anger in the right place, and “taking the kingdom by force” paradoxically guard the peace of our soul.
Our culture has taught us to look for a cure or solution. But there is not really a way out of struggle with the passions – the way out is THROUGH.
You struggle, fall and rise, confess and receive forgiveness, and that is the beginning of struggle that pleases the Lord. And as you learn the tools of warfare – faithful daily prayer, fasting, almsgiving, an honest day’s work, serving your family, and being watchful over your thoughts – then you start to take the fight to the enemy. You start to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). Instead of crying because sins are beating you up, you’re going to start making humility and servanthood your weapons, the weapons that the enemy cannot defend against. That’s when your experience will start to change.
Nobody ever went to hell because he fell into a sin. People fall away from the life of God when they fall and stay down. “He who perseveres to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:13). “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12).
When Saul the persecutor was not yet Saint Paul, the Lord showed himself, and Saul fell off his horse and lay blinded by the side of the road. And the Lord told him: “Now get up! Go into the city, and you will be told what to do.” (Acts 9:6).
To Joshua, who was weeping after the Hebrews were defeated in battle, the Lord said, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? … Don’t be discouraged. Take the whole army, and go up and attack the city.” (Joshua 7:10, 8:1)
Saint Joseph the Hesychast says: “Action is not to try out and then retreat, but to enter the battle, duel, defeat and be defeated, win and lose, fall and rise, crush the gates everywhere, and to expect struggles and fights until one’s last breath.”
If you’re not failing, then you’re not trying. Fall down seven times; get up eight. Because the Kingdom of heaven is forcefully advancing, and the violent take it by force.
To the glory of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
