Here, as a public service to pastoral candidates, are statements certain to stop a resume dead in its tracks.
- I believe empathy is overrated.
- In the five churches I have faithfully served over the past two years…
- My hobbies are pit bulls and automatic weapons.
- I am willing to sacrifice my family for the sake of the ministry. I am also willing to sacrifice yours.
- I have learned to cope with financial crisis at every church I’ve served.
- My extensive counseling of church members has proved a rich source of pointed sermon illustrations.
- Amway taught me everything I know about evangelism.
- I’ve been told that every sermon I preach is better than the next.
- My personality has provided me ample opportunity to develop conflict-resolution skills.
