Through A Glass, Darkly

By Reader Matthew Kowasic

You will most likely first notice the externals and have questions. Why do you cross yourself that way? What about standing/bowing/kneeling? When should I cross myself or bow? What prayers should I say?? Why are people dressed like that? What does this symbolize? Why do we fast from this food but not that one?? Why are there so many rules? (and so many other good questions!)

You have probably read a few books (or many) and might even have more book knowledge and degrees than the priest. And knowledge of the faith is very important.

You may probably align politically with many in the church (but not all). You may be in a church that uses a different language for part (or most) of the services.

You are becoming Orthodox, not “Greek” or “Russian” or any other ethnic description.

Many factors are what draw people to the Church. The reality is, that after some time, the appeal of the externals might wear off. When we have read everything we thought we needed to only to realize the REAL Orthodox life is lived and not studied in a book. Liturgy after liturgy, fast after fast, prayer after prayer.

The choir may be terrible and the priest may have a terrible voice. The homilies may be lacking. But we must ask ourselves: Why are we here (being Orthodox) in the first place?? It is NOT about the externals. It shouldn’t be solely because of the priest, or the people It shouldn’t be solely because of the externals. We are here because this is the Church Christ founded. This is the pillar of truth. We respond from our hearts, “where else shall we go Lord, you have the words of eternal life?” Certainly many feel the need to change parishes, and that is ok. But to leave the bounds of the entire Church is not the answer.

You will get bored. You will ask yourself, “Do I really believe what I said I believed?” You will ponder the vastness of your reading and compare it to the weekly services which may feel boring and long to you and think, “Why does there feel like there is a disconnect?”

You may say to yourself (and others), “I just don’t ‘get’ anything from church anymore.” We start to make ourselves and our entertainment the reason we go to church. We remove Christ from the altar and place our egos on it instead.

You may even feel that Pascha feels empty at some point (and at that point you may want to give up).

The resurrection of Christ is realized in our own lifetime when we resurrect from our passions. Even the Paschal canon proclaims, “Let us purify our senses and we shall behold Christ, radiant with the unapproachable light of the Resurrection” The true mystery of Pascha is not “realized” until we have risen above our passions. Even our sensory experiences are filtered through our impure hearts. So our experiences are not “pure.” “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

The disconnect is not the parish, the priest, the people, the music, the services, the rules. The disconnect is us.

Stay the path. Be patient, run the race so that we too may “more perfectly partake of Him in His Kingdom.”

Via Facebook